Doubt: A Legacy of Shame?

When I think of all the times I have been encompassed in doubt, despite the truths that comprise me, I am ashamed.

I know the One who created me.  I know Who hung each tiny star.  I know Who spoke life into each tiny bird, bug and flower, and I know Who has the hairs on my head numbered.

But in trying times, why does doubt and disbelief take hold?  Why do those feelings come so easily when every fiber of my being knows the Truth?

Recently, in our homeschool studies, we read about Moses, leading the great exodus.  I’ve heard the story a hundred times.  But have you ever noticed that a story will speak in a different way to you, depending upon what stage of life you happen to be in at the moment?

During this stage of my life, more than ever, the doubt of the Israelites jumped out at me.

These were GOD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE.  Could it be any more awesome to know that the God of the heavens and the Earth was leading you personally into a land that He had chosen for you?  These people witnessed miracle after miracle after miracle.  Yet every time something unpleasant happened, they would CRY OUT, “Moses!  WHY have you lead us out here to DIE?  Why didn’t you leave us where we were, as happy little slaves to other men??”

Every time I read a sentence to my children about the Israelites crying, “we’re going to STARVE!” just before manna fell from heaven, or about them crying, “we’re dying of thirst!”  just before the water poured from a rock… I was in absolute awe!  I was thinking, “how in the world could these people so quickly forget that God had taken care of them this entire time?  For Pete’s sake, he parted the Red Sea for them!”

But then in dawned on me, I do that same thing EVERY… SINGLE… DAY. 

When I wake up and start to think of how crazy my day will be, I get overwhelmed easily.  But God has gotten me through every day up until now with His grace and mercy.  Why can’t he handle today?

When my house starts to get loud, and children are sprinting in circles while I am on the phone, I think I might lose my mind.  But God has so easily gotten me through all the moments like this up until now, I can hardly even remember these moments from the past!

When my business is so busy, I wonder how I will possibly service all my clients to the best of my ability, God steps in and everything is taken care of.

When I’m second guessing myself, or wondering if I’m doing the best thing I can for my children, one of them will run up and hug me as tight as they can, and tell me they love me.

I know that His grace is sufficient for me.  And just as God led the Israelites to their promised land, despite their constant complaints, lack of faith, and short-term memory, God has a special place for me. 

And He has shown me that His patience is no different today than it was when He was in a cloud hovering over the Israelites thousands of years ago.

2 Peter 3:9 (New International Version)

⁹The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.